We Broke Up
I have excellent news to report! The time is before noon, and I am awake. Like a civilized adult without a substantial drinking problem, my eyes opened this morning, and rather than bury my head under three pillows, I got up. Dressed in a lavender Ralph Lauren sweater marked down 70% at The Bay, I am drinking coffee from my limited-edition Rugged Fox and CLARK coffee mug, and teaching myself how to type again.
Outside, the sky is overcast, the back lane has been taken hostage by crows, and Pandemic Pete is hard at work at his kitchen table. Dressed in his typical olive-green tank-top and baggy sweat pant attire, I can officially report that our relationship is over. Not only has he been flagrantly seeing other people since the latest restrictions eased, but I am also a changed man. Heck, what turned my crank six months ago simply no longer does it for me.
I am not coming out here and announcing that I am attracted to women, I am just saying that I am no longer the crazy obsessed stalker-type I once was. Two-thousand dollars of therapy and I cannot tell you what a relief that is. Truth be told, what I found most attractive about Pandemic Pete all this time was not his lean physique or sharply trimmed beard. It was his steadfast routine. In a world that seemed to get crazier by the minute, I could always rely on him to be exactly on schedule.
Now that my emotional state has been freed up from terror for the most part, I am starting to feel good again. Recently, I found myself head over heels for a straight married man. It was a real Sandy and Danny Zuko type of situation, from a safe distance, in my head. While this is not the first or last time my affections will be misguided, I had cause for celebration because a) I had chills and (b) they were multiplying. (Not in the COVID-sense; but the Grease lightning kind. For the record.)
“Two-thousand dollars of therapy and I cannot tell you what a relief that is.”
Oh! How nice it will be to have legal human contact again with complete strangers! That are gay and consensual!
In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself. Not only is that the safest option given variants of concern, but it is also much overdue. My hard drive needs defragmenting. My operating system has software updates that need to be installed. I am starting to sound like I am a member of the Geek Squad and I am okay with that. But we should still move on.
Before I go, however, I will share with you two bits of information.
(1) I have recently developed an addiction to buying used DVD’s. My apartment is covered with them, and I am concerned that my next television appearance will be on Hoarders.
(2) Pandemic Pete just took a phone call which requires him to pace in circles around his living room. What? Just because we are broken up doesn’t mean I can’t check in once in a while.
