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Hello My Name is Rugged Fox

I am a 30-something bachelor living in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Pour yourself a glass of wine and join me on this tale of questionable fashion choices and epic dating fails.

These Boots are Made for Stalking

The following conversation took place between Rugged Fox and his fabulous friend Hana at the Jay Brannan concert last Thursday night, after the Fox had just spoken to Jay Brannan.

HANA: He lingered.

FOX:  He lingered??

HANA:  He lingered.

FOX:  Are you sure?

HANA:  Yes!

FOX:  Dear God.

            Alright, lots of stuff to report. First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for their comments in regards to the last post, like a prayer. I was comforted to receive them and happy to hear everyone’s thoughts on the subject. Second, I have been busy all week designing a 2010 Calendar for “the misadventures of Rugged Fox.” With four months of my face already photo-shopped, it looks like it could just be the most fabulous Calendar ever designed on the internet. It will be available for purchase and shipping by mid-November just in time for the Christmas season! There may be coffee mugs in the works as well – we will see! And now it is time to get this ship wreck back to sea.

            Good news! The Fox has found a hobby! I’m happy to report that in place of internet dating services, I have found a new pastime to keep me busy: consignment shopping. I have to admit, ever since I moved to Vancouver last June I was convinced fashion was dead in this city. In July I can recall the devastated phone call I made to friends back home saying, “I can’t get a bottle of wine here past eleven o’clock, but I can buy a pair of lululemon pants 24 hours a day.” In August, I was pressing send on the following mass text-message: “I think I have finally figured out downtown Vancouver fashion: Gucci and fanny packs; because if you don’t live there, you are just visiting.” But just when I thought all hope was lost last week, I stumbled into happiness in the form a rack filled with discount Ben Sherman and Penguin.

            Shopping for my Halloween costume - I decided to go as a “homo on the range,” but unknowingly dressed identically as “Woody” from Toy Story – the outfit was not a complete loss though, because all night at work people called me Woody and every ten minutes I asked a new co-worker if they wanted to pull on my string later - I opened the door to an unassuming store and walked into my dream wardrobe. Flipping through the shirts on the rack and sifting through the shoes laid out on the floor, I felt as if I had just walked into a previously used paradise. The clothes were in mint condition, and each piece was designed by a different designer I could never afford. Smacking down my VISA card on the counter, I bought a jacket I did not need and the best pair of cowboy boots a boy could ever ask for.

            Deciding to give my festive outfit a test-run before the actual day, I strapped on my boots and buttoned my plaid shirt for the Jay Brannan concert Thursday night. The rain pouring, I took two steps towards the bus stop and then decided to call a cab for the sake of the boots. I am always amazed at how much a single clothing item can make the difference between a “good” night and an “f’in great one!” For the entire evening, everything was about the brown leather zipped up my two feet. My hips slicing through the air in each direction, every sidewalk was a new runway and every gay folk-star a great photo opportunity. 

            Alright so on to the concert, because I know you are all dieing to read! It was fantastic, ten stars. (If you do not know who Jay Brannan is because you live in London, Ontario and are cut off from the indie world of gay male celebrities, please scroll down.) Ever since I saw Jay bent over in the film Shortbus I knew I was in love. As soon he took the poorly-lit stage at the Biltmore Cabaret, I felt my knees go weak and my face turn the same colour as my hair. Playing most of his originals, he also played a great cover of “Zombie” by the Cranberries and his ever-hilarious rendition of “Straight Outta Compton.” Wrapping up his set afterwards, he stuck around to sign autographs and take pictures with people.

            Standing up to get in line, I looked at my friend Hana as if I had just turned fifteen and accidentally drank a little bit too much of my friend’s dad’s peach schnapps. Apparently the dark beer we were drinking throughout the show was 19% because after the lights went up we were both blitzed! Reaching my turn in line, I can’t remember exactly what I said to the man with the golden voice and magic fingers, except I know that it was embarrassing. I seem to recall making love to him with my eyes while saying things like “inspiration,” “you probably think I am a stalker” and “I have been following you since your toilet studio sessions.” I also forgot John Cameron’s Mitchell’s name while telling him how much I loved Shortbus. Afterwards when Hana and I walked/stumbled away, I had mysteriously acquired a signed CD in my hand, a shirt wrapped over my arm and a photograph of me touched by Jay Brannan. All in all I’d say it was a good night!

THE RUGGED FOX GUIDE TO ALL THINGS JAY

            Alright, if you want a bio of the singer/songwriter/actor you can find one at his website www.jaybrannan.com. You can also purchase his CD’s on Itunes or here. (Talk about a plug eh – is Rugged Fox selling out or what? I wish.)

Here is a list of my top-five song lyrics by him:

  1. You’re a tease, you’re a cockblocker, you’re a loud mouth-bitch and a big-talker but that’s ok, you’ll grow up some day. (half-boyfriend)  
  2. Well, I’m not in the business of bursting bubbles, but blowing you now takes more gum than I can chew. (lower my gun)
  3. If I could force you to love me, I would. (love at first sight)
  4. F**k this, this can’t be my life, I’ve moisturized ten times tonight. (can’t have it all)
  5. Mine was the heart I never thought you would break/ my only hope was that I’d survive you. (half-boyfriend) 

Signed, Sealed and Delivered

Like a Prayer

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