Daddyland
Last time on Rugged Fox… On a busy Friday night, Rugged was in the throes of a delicious dinner at Nook with his cousins Drum and Heller. Popping olives and sipping craft beer, the three men were just about to paddle into a dignified conversation, when Rugged tipped the canoe.
“Seriously! I want to know,” exclaimed Heller. “What is a bathhouse?”
“It’s perfect,” I lifted my nose from a glass of Barbera and nodded to our server.
After taking our dinner conversation in a wildly different direction, I scrambled to peddle back. I managed to delay answering the question as long as I could but now, I had to talk. Like Christine in “The Phantom of the Opera,” I was past the point of no return.
“Cheers gentlemen,” three glasses of wine lifted in the air.
“Come on Rugs,” said Drum, “you can’t just leave us hanging.”
Of all the stories you tell your cousins at dinner, your first trip to the bathhouse is not one of them. The truth is, I would have been way harsher on myself in the moment, if it weren’t for the fact, I didn’t have much else to share. I had just come out of a relationship that carried on three chapters too long. Hence, why I found myself wrapped in nothing but a towel on Davie Street.
““It’s true! As soon as I got in, I immediately wanted to get off.””
“You know this is a family restaurant, I don’t know if this I should…”
“RUGGED!” the two men chimed in unison.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I bit into a piece of toast.
“First off, let’s not call it a bathhouse, because it is by no means a place to get clean. Think of it more like an amusement park, for adult men with no clothes on. Like ‘Daddyland.’”
Thank Meryl I am a storyteller, because there is no other way I could keep this NC-17 tale PG-13.
“You see, after you pay the price of admission, a kind man passes you a towel and opens the gate. Once you are inside, you can pretty much choose your own adventure.”
As the pasta course arrived, I told them all about the attractions.
“There are so many rides to choose from, it is hard to know where to start. Let me see… there is the dungeons and dragons exhibit. The hallway of one-thousand doors. The water park, workout jungle and… well, truth be told, the place is so dark and steamy, half the time you have no idea where you are. It is pretty much a maze.”
Taking my first bite of pasta, I could not help myself. “Ugh! Isn’t this cacio e pepe to die for?”
“What was your favourite part of Daddyland?” Heller asked, sounding genuinely intrigued.
“My favourite part?” Thinking back, I turned red.
“Well, you know me gents, I have always been terrified of rides. Plus, I had no idea how anything worked! I asked the man at the front for a guidebook or map and he just looked at me funny. After I put my clothes in a locker, a complete waste of an outfit if you ask me, I took a walk around and then left.”
“That’s it! You just left?” Drum was not pleased. “Come on Rugs! There is no way!”
“It’s true!” I said. “As soon as I got in, I immediately wanted to get off.”
The three of us looked at each other and smiled.
“You know,” I carried on, “now that I think about it, I know exactly what my favourite part of Daddyland was. No one talked. I have always found men to be much more attractive when they don’t speak.”
Next time on Rugged Fox… After dinner, the boys hit up a trendy restaurant called “Shipyard” for a pink nightcap. When the Fox excuses himself to the washroom, he has no idea what awaits him.
