Okay breaking news to report. I joined the gay softball league and quit my job at Starbucks.
First Starbucks. The simple truth of the matter is that I had to hang up my green apron because I developed tendinitis in both my arms lifting bloody milk jugs. This morning I almost drop-kicked the salesman at the “Arms Brace Store” after he tried selling me on a brace that was a size small. After politely informing him that my bicep would never fit into such a petite strap, I suggested trying on a medium first, and if need be, going up from there.
Sliding the brace over my elbow, he told me without a moment’s hesitation, that it was “much too loose” and “wouldn’t provide me any sort of beneficial compression.” Cutting his legs out from underneath him with my green eyes, I could not believe a word he was saying. Taking a moment to collect myself, I took a deep breath and replied in his general direction, “On the contrary sir, I actually find this brace to be too tight, so tight in fact that I believe if we do not remove it right now my arm may fall off.”
Highly recommending to him that I try a size Large before making any final decisions, he told me that it was obvious I did not need any help and left me on my own to find the perfect fit. I simply cannot get over some of these medical professionals who have the nerve to call themselves ‘qualified.’ I mean, truly people, at the end of the day which is more painful to a person: a swollen joint or a bruised ego that will never heal?
Alright now moving right along, we have lots to catch up on and my arm hurts so we better make this quick.
One of the reasons I love being single is because it makes for such great conversation every day of the week. Ask a single person what they did last night and you will most likely need a glass of wine just to keep up. Ask an attached-person about their evening and you will need a coffee just to stay awake.
There is no question in this city when it rains it pours, because I am meeting men left right and centre. I honestly do not know where I am finding the time.
At my first softball game, I may not have scored on the field but I certainly did off it. Before I go into any further detail, I guess what I am trying to say is that I have pretty much turned into a huge whore out here on the Coast. The good news is that I am pretty sure that’s what big cities are for. If you want a stable relationship filled with structure, down payments and early bedtimes – move to a small town. If you want to wake up in a strange man’s bed on Monday morning with no clue how you got there, welcome to Vancouver.