fresh ginger meat

West 10th Avenue. April 2010.

So this morning I almost drop-kicked the salesman at the “Arms Brace Store” after he tried selling me on a brace that was a size small. After politely informing him that my bicep would never fit into such a petite strap, I suggested trying on a medium first, and if need be, going up from there.

Sliding the brace over my elbow, he told me without a moment’s hesitation, that it was “much too loose” and “wouldn’t provide me any sort of beneficial compression.” Cutting his legs out from underneath him with my green eyes, I could not believe a word he was saying. Taking a moment to collect myself, I took a deep breath and replied in his general direction, “On the contrary sir, I actually find this brace to be too tight, so tight in fact that I believe if we do not remove it right now my arm may fall off.”

Highly recommending to him that I try a size Large before making any final decisions, he told me that it was obvious I did not need any help and left me on my own to find the perfect fit. I simply cannot get over some of these medical professionals who have the nerve to call themselves ‘qualified.’ I mean, truly people, at the end of the day which is more painful to a person: a swollen joint or a bruised ego that will never heal?

Alright now moving right along, we have lots to catch up on and my arm hurts so we better make this quick.

First we must take this paragraph to discuss how good I looked yesterday morning. As the day’s agenda went down, I found myself working at a Starbucks three blocks down the street from where I usually clock in. Located in a mall that is home to my gym, a Subway staffed by a really mean lady who never gives me extra pizza sauce when I ask for it, and an amateur modeling agency; I was shocked to discover how many good-looking gay men were walking through the door. Being checked out by each new penis that stepped up to my till, it was clear these boys were in dire need of some fresh ginger meat! Feeling just as hot as the Sumatra I was pouring, I could not help but think I had picked the wrong Starbucks to work at! Doctors and med students are much to obsessed with themselves to care about anything else in this life. Leaving the shift supervisor with my phone number in case any of the men inquired the next day, I walked home with a Vivanno Strawberry Banana Smoothie and an extra strut in my step.

At Starbucks, the mission statement is “to inspire and nurture the human spirit – one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time.” I like to think I accomplish this feat with my face alone.

This is a transition sentence.

One of the reasons I love being single is because it makes for such great conversation every day of the week. Ask a single person what they did last night and you will most likely need a glass of wine just to keep up. Ask an attached-person about their evening and you will need a coffee just to stay awake.

There is no question in this city when it rains it pours, because I am meeting men left right and centre. I honestly do not know where I am finding the time.

Case in point, last Monday night after getting cut early from work, I joined two ladies on the patio who had been drinking since noon. Three 17 oz. glasses of house red later, one of the ladies stepped aside to call her gay bestie and before I knew it, I was not only trashed but also on a date. Calling him back a very sober three days later, I explained that I was not looking for a relationship at the moment, but would call him sometime to hang out.

Less than seven days later at my first baseball game, I may not have scored on the field – but I certainly did off it. Before I go into any further detail, I guess what I am trying to say is that I have pretty much turned into a huge whore out here on the Coast. The good news is that I am pretty sure that’s what big cities are for. If you want a stable relationship filled with structure, down payments and early bedtimes – move to a small town. If you want to wake up in a strange man’s bed on Monday morning with no clue how you got there, welcome to Vancouver. 

Comments

[Joy]

We definitely need to catch up mister. Without question we are two peas in a pod;)

[Erin]

"First we must take this paragraph to discuss how good I looked yesterday morning."

Literary brilliance.

xo

[QE]

"If you want a stable relationship filled with structure, down payments and early bedtimes – move to a small town."
I love this line, only because it is true of my life right now. Actually, I am lucky to be in this situation in the small town I live in. I have met some of the men here and it seems that at some point, every young guy has slept with each other. It makes for some terrible drama. Fortunately I found 'M' before I got sucked (no pun intended) into the circle of drama.