date with destiny

“It’s not a lifestyle choice Bella, I was born this way I can’t help it. You’re such a hypocrite - what, I’m not the right kind of monster for you?”  - Jacob.

Alright so before I type anything else, I must pause to comment on the movie playing on the t.v. screen before me. After being surprisingly taken by the first Twilight film, I decided to rent the sequel. Now I don’t want to offend any fans here, but you’d think for such a high-grossing film they could have budgeted for a better script and a cast who can act. This entire is film is playing out like a poorly-written episode of Dawson’s Creek directed by Nicholas Sparks and produced by the same filmmakers who brought you The Matrix. The only thing keeping me from switching it off is the sight of Taylor Lautner without a shirt on. Is it just me or do him and his werewolf hotties look like they are walking out of a gay bar each time they leave the forest?

So I know I wrote “To be continued” at the end of that last post, except I totally lied. Rather than waxing over the trials and tribulations of my traumatic whiteuppermiddleclassNorthAmericanRomanCatholic childhood any further, I have decided to update you on much more trying events happening in my life. However, just to bring you some closure on the last post, let me fast-forward to a selection from part three, which I titled The Last Temptation of Christ:

Blah, blah, blah blah blah… So in conclusion, after much serious thought, I have decided not to go back to the Catholic Church. Sitting in that hard pew that fall Sunday morning, while the preacher delivered his long, long homely, I felt as if I had just sat down for an afternoon-cocktail with Jesus: the first since we had ended our relationship seven years prior. Looking into eyes, I searched for any shred of feeling that I may have felt before, except, as the waiter put down the drinks, I realized there was none. Because mine eyes were different and so too were his. And as we took our last sips, both of us knew the inevitable truth that we never would be the same men who fell in love before, or ever will be again. And so he let go and I let go too, and then he picked up the cheque and I stayed behind for another drink; and we both lived happily ever after. Le Fin.

For a full record of what happens in Part Two: Revelations and Part Four: The New Testament please send me an email and I will forward the details as soon as possible.

Moving right along, well, I have big news but before you read this next paragraph, you must first click here.

I am not kidding here people! This is your second chance. Now, slowly put your hand on your mouse and … click here.

Welcome back.

I am happy to announce that I am in love again! But this time it is serious, and I mean like, really serious. Ever since I decided two weeks ago that Il Postino and I were going to just be friends, I have upped my game at Starbucks exponentially. After a couple of close calls with a few doctors, I decided to re-focus my efforts on the stethoscopes still in training.

Lucky for me, my particular Starbucks is drowning in UBC med students. So, after playing coy with one of them for the past month and a half, I decided the other night to let down my defenses and fall head over cowboy boots in love. Singing the first two lines of “Someone to Watch over Me” the entire shift because I couldn't remember the rest of the words, I thought to myself, I may have just found my husband.

His name is “I don’t know just yet” and he orders a double tall Caramel Macchiato every time he comes in. He is nothing short of a dreamlover and now I just have to figure out whether or not he swings the same way as me. Often he comes in with a friend who is female. Ugh! After much conniving at the till I still cannot figure out what their deal is. Is she a Grace, a beard or what? She cannot be his girlfriend because I will not allow it. Anyways, I am determined to find out and am not afraid to be more aggressive until I get to the bottom of this. I am not going to roll over this time people, or at least just not yet.

What do you think I should do? Should I ask for his phone number? Should I see if he wants to hang out sometime when he is not studying? AH! I also do not want to infringe on his coffee place ya know, and make him feel too uncomfortable to come back. What if he is straight? Do I hand him a “Customer Recovery Coupon” right after and say “No hard feelings, at least let me buy you a drink.” The Fox needs advice here people! I am scrambling through my DVD collection trying to find out what I should do!

In other news I had to start looking for a new job because Starbucks has deemed my arms unusable, and I joined the gay baseball team! Our first practice is this Tuesday night! Wish me luck!

Comments

[Joy]

This post begs a question and a comment...After careful consideration, here is my advice to you Fox. Ditch the potentially uncomfortable direct approach with your crush and get the info you need out of his friend, if ever she comes in alone.

As for my comment....how on earth are you going to play baseball if you can´t even use your arms to make coffee? Is this going to be another one of your highschool soccer games, where you dodge the ball at all costs while playing a slow motion video of sweaty hot men in tight pants? Either way, I´m your biggest fan and will be in the bleachers cheering you on every chance I get!

[Charleen]

I am totally lost (as usual) Did I miss what happened with Il Postino? What is wrong with your arms. Gads don't you hate getting old. I see you are coming to Johanesburg, if you have been cheating on me with someone else here I am so totally going to throw a bitch fit of monumental proportions.